A to Z of Howince
by AllTimeNatalie
Summary: 26 drabbles based on Howince, one for every letter of the alphabet. T to be safe just in case  Dedicated to Roxxi Sanders my lovely sister  :D
1. A is for Apologies

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing in this story. The Mighty Boosh belongs to Noel and Julian. :D

A/N: Here you go. Please review and I hope you like it.

SUMMARY: 26 short ficlets based on Howince, one for every letter of the alphabet.

TITLE: A-Z of Howince.

o0o

**A is for Apologies**

"Oh right so what? He comes in here, starts tellin' ya that ya deserve better and then you fall head over heals for him? You're the least loyal person I've ever known in the history of jazzy people which isn't many but more than one certainly!" Vince shouted at Howard who was now gazing down at the floor, wishing there was a way to turn back time.

"Vince, it's not like that!" Howard shouted back, snapping out of his silent trance which he had been tangled in since the start of Vince's rant. "He was just so sun-shiny. It was like I was the rain and he was the bright morning sunlight which cleared up my day." Vince was red with anger and tears were welling up in his bright blue eyes. "You know that it's different Vince, don't cry please." Howard begged, noticing just how broken his best friend was. "Vince…" Howard whispered, placing a hand on Vince's shoulder to have it shrugged away.

"No, next time Lance comes in here yeah, tell him to get stuffed. I thought we were there for each other, I thought you cared but I was clearly wrong." Vince whispered, a lone tears falling free and dripping to the floor. "Just leave me alone Howard." Vince sighed, running up the stairs and slamming his and Howard's bedroom door shut. Had he really broken his friend that much? Had he really caused that to happen?

"Vince! Vince can you hear me? Vince!" He bellowed up the stairs, soon following after his friend. He just wished that he had the strength to show Vince exactly what he was feeling but he couldn't because it was too late. He had already lost everything. Clambering up the stairs, Howard straightened himself out and knocked at the door. "Vince, let me in." Howard sighed, leaning against the door and sliding down it so he was sitting on the floor. "Vince please let me in!" He screamed again, banging on the door a little harder. Soon he was pounding on the wooden barrier, tears also welling up in his eyes. "Vince it meant nothing, nothing actually happened he just offered me a job with him and his band. So I said maybe, it was to get him out of the shop. Those five minutes we spent together were pointless okay, I hated every minute because I wanted you to be stood there saying that stuff about how I deserve better, how I'm a musical genius. I'm sorry Vince I'm just… I'm just sorry." He stopped pounding on the door and sighed, throwing his head back to rest on the block of wood.

"D'ya mean that 'Oward?" He remained unspoken, Vince opening the door and Howard falling backwards into the room.

"Of course I mean it. Lance is a titbox, you're my best friend Vince, you always have been and nothing is ever going to change that. I don't know how many times I have to say sorry." Howard sighed, brown eyes connecting with blue as Vince sat down next to him and smiled.

"Yeah, he is a bit of a titbox I suppose." Vince chuckled, laying his head on Howard's shoulder and sighing exasperatedly. "Howard, I should apologise because well, truth be told I was jealous." Howard pulled his shoulder away from Vince's head to look at him through confused eyes. "I just couldn't imagine you with anyone else… friends wise." Howard nodded in agreement before clasping Vince's shoulders with his hands.

"Look, Vince I swear to God that you are only my best friend… Lester's second best but he's way behind you." Howard smiled, tilting Vince's chin up with his hand. "Look at me Vince, you are and always will be my only ever best friend do you understand?" Howard grinned stupidly at Vince and Vince grinned back, held by his gaze. "You okay now?" Vince nodded and dropped his gaze to the floor. "Good." Howard said in a relieved whisper, sliding his arms around Vince's waist and pulling him close into his chest.

"I never meant to make you feel so worthless and backstabbed." Vince said into Howard's collar bone, looking up and yawning. "Sorry." He chuckled, covering his mouth at last minute.

"No worries little man, let's get you to bed." Howard's voice was comforting and in an almost chuckle as he stood up and took Vince's hand in his. When he was sure that Vince was comfy, he happily perched himself on the end of the bed and sighed. "Night Vince." Howard whispered, smiling at the sleepy figure for what seemed like the seventieth time that evening.

"Night Howard, love you." Vince's voice was sleepy, distant but all the more real.

"Love you too." Howard smirked, sliding into his bed and pulling the covers up to his neck.

**A/N:** Thanks for reading, hope you liked it and please review. ^_^


	2. B is for Brainy

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing in this story. The Mighty Boosh belongs to Noel and Julian. :D

A/N: Here you go. Please review and I hope you like it.

SUMMARY: 26 short ficlets based on Howince, one for every letter of the alphabet.

TITLE: A-Z of Howince.

o0o

**B is for Brainy **

It was early. Vince was unsure as to why he was up so early, Howard wasn't even up early. Maybe it was because there was an early episode of Peacock Dreams on or because he couldn't get a Gary Numan song out of his head. Since it was only half six, he went into the kitchen and turned the hob on, lying a pan haphazardly on top of the flame and reaching into a cupboard for some flower and eggs. Pouring them into a dish and adding some milk, Vince hummed happily to himself and began to stir the mixture.

"Eggs, milk and flour, pancake power. Look at his creamy little sunshine face. Flip it now, flip it now good, flip it now, flip it now good." When he was finished silently crimping, he poured it into the pan and flipped it.

"Morning little man." Howard smiled when the clock hit seven. "Mmm, something smells nice." Howard smiled and looked over Vince's shoulder. "Vince, why does the pancake mix look like a smiley face?" Vince grinned and flipped the pancake again; it still formed in a perfect circle with eyes and a mouth still flawlessly prominent.

"I know right? it's genius!" Vince chuckled and scooped the pancake up and put it on a plate, giving it Nutella hair and a Nutella moustache followed by two M&Ms for eyes. "There you go; it's a Howardcake or a PanHoward." His voice was filled with such child like innocence that made Howard feel as though he had to take the pancake and eat it but he did quite like it. Vince made a 'Vincecake' and sat down to eat with Howard in the living room. "You know what's missing?"

"What?" Howard asked totally uninterested.

"Orange juice. You can't have pancakes without orange juice." He smiled, ambling into the kitchen and sighed dejectedly when he couldn't find any. "Wonder if Naboo'll have any." Walking into Naboo's room, Vince chuckled at the soft snoring coming from the tiny shaman and picked up some liquid in a glass which looked a lot like orange juice. First he took a sip and smiled then downed the whole glass in one. It was the best orange juice he had ever tasted but it made him feel a bit weird. "Howard, I feel weird." Vince mumbled as he stumbled into the living room, Howard catching him from what could have been a nasty fall.

"Whoa there, are you all right?" Howard asked and propped the smaller man up on the sofa. "Vince?" No reply, he was really worried now. "Vince!" He shook the electro-freak once more but gained no reaction so scooped Vince (replaying his voice saying _He's touching me! _followed by a wail of terror over in his head) into his arms and carried him to the bedroom, placing him in his bed and pulling the covers up to his neck. When Vince was tucked in and Howard was watching a seven hour documentary on the lifecycle of the frog, Naboo and Bollo walked in.

"Alright Howard?" Naboo asked and noticed that his orange juice was missing. Rolling his eyes he just assumed that he had already used it or that Bollo had knocked it off and cleaned it up. "Howard? Where's Vince and why has he left a full Vincecake?" Naboo was worried, Vince never left his Vincecakes, he said it was a waste and he liked them too much.

"Oh, he said he felt weird so I put him in bed, he can have a bit of a sleep." Howard never tore his eyes from the screen and instead, finished his pancake and placed the plate on the table. It was all a coincidence wasn't it? That Vince felt weird, that the 'orange juice' was missing, that there was an unfinished Vincecake on the table! No, something was wrong and Naboo intended to find it out. When Vince woke up and walked into the living room, he chuckled when he saw the pancake on the counter and Howard combing his moustache.

"Hello Howard, how do you do?" Vince asked, looking in the mirror and frowning.

"Vince? Did you just say how do you do? You never say that, you've told me that you prefer one word sentiments." Vince frowned and shook his head, his black hair lapsing over his eyes. "What's wrong little man?"

"Actually, for a man of my age and stature I am quite medium size, I find the comment offensive and belittling." Howard walked closer to Vince; this wasn't Vince Noir, his Vince.

"Vince, you don't know what 'stature' means." Howard frowned and poked Vince.

"Do not poke me! I do know as a matter of fact. Stature means build, physique, body type you know. You have quite small eyes for the stature of your head. You have a large head with small eyes… I find that combination to be quite scary thank you." Vince had a straight face throughout, clearly showing that he meant every word. "Hmm, I cannot fathom you young man. I was told that you were into your four hundreds, surely you should have wrinkles and be a little… taller." Naboo hit Vince over the head and scowled.

"Don't be such a ball-bag Vince." Vince shrugged.

"How have I lived in such surroundings for such a long period of time and never noticed the secrets and unfathomable objects and people?" Howard rolled his eyes and Naboo lead Howard into his room.

"Howard, this is bad… bad juju! Vince drank a potion of mine, that wasn't orange juice, it was a cleverness potion and now he's really clever… and a ball-bag but I think that's a side effect." Howard told Naboo to watch from the door while he went to Vince and asked him some challenging questions.

"Vince, what is the radius of a circle with the circumference of 43cm?" Howard asked it was a difficult question.

"6.833, everyone knows that Howard." Vince rolled his eyes and Howard shook his head and went back to Naboo.

"Alright, is there another way? You know, an anti-dote?" Naboo nodded. Yeah, I have one dose left but you have to give it him. It will only work if it is given to him by a friend who knows him better than anyone else."

"Alright then, do I just tell him to drink it?" Naboo smiled and shook his head.

"No, you have to kiss him to get the spell to reverse." The look of sheer horror on Howard's face was indescribable but Naboo just burst out in fits of laughter. "I was joking you berk, yeah he just has to drink it." Howard smiled and nodded, claiming he knew that anyways, he was just acting.

"Vince, do you want this?" Howard asked, mixing the potion into the tea and handing it over to Vince.

"Yeah alright then, I never would turn down a cup of tea." Vince smiled, drinking the cup of tea instantly. Falling again into Howard's arms, he yelped and groaned at the pain which was in his head. "Howard, I feel, I feel…" Without finishing his sentence, Vince's eyes faltered and he fell into Howard's chest as the jazzy man pulled him up and laid him on the couch. Sitting on the edge near him, Howard ran a hand through Vince's hair which he would have been told never to touch.

"You had me so scared there little man. Do me a favour Vince, never become clever." Howard chuckled and tangled his fingers in the black mob of hair which was perfectly styled. After about five minutes, Vince's eyes opened and he smiled.

"Howard, are you touching my hair?" Howard paused with fear and retracted his hand but Vince found it quite funny. "I thought you didn't play with hair." Again, he remained unspoken. Vince sat up and without thought; Howard took him into his arms and held him there, ignoring the nagging voice in his head. Vince smiled and hugged back but pulled away and frowned. "Howard? What's wrong with you, you hate people touching you. Last time your neck went all big or was that because you ate a peanut?" Howard fell silent and just pulled him closer.

"Thank God you're back." Howard said in an almost whisper. "Vince, promise me that you will never become somehow clever ever again." Howard whispered into Vince's hair and smiled.

"Alright, I promise." Vince replied, slightly confused but enjoying every moment of the embrace Howard had him trapped in. "Come on, I think you need some sleep." Vince sighed, standing up and taking Howard's hand in his, ignoring the deceitful orange liquid which had brought him so close to destruction.

o0o

**A/N: **Okay so this one was a little longer but I hope you liked it and this one was for you Roxxi Sanders, you inspired the idea an' all. ;)


	3. C is for Caramak

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing in this story. The Mighty Boosh belongs to Noel and Julian. :D

A/N: Here you go. Please review and I hope you like it.

SUMMARY: 26 short ficlets based on Howince, one for every letter of the alphabet.

TITLE: A-Z of Howince.

o0o

**C is for Caramak **

It was half past six and Howard had gone to jazzersize and Vince had shut shop. He was sitting reading the latest issue of _Cheekbone _when a familiar voice came from behind the door.

"Oi, you boy can you let me in?" Vince took a closer look at the door to find Tony sat on the doorstep staring up at him.

"Tony? What d'ya want?" Vince was chewing on some gum at the time and he put it between his teeth while he spoke before resuming chewing.

"I was wondering if you might sell any Caramaks." Vince mouthed word 'Caramak?' and Tony decidedly explained what one was. "It's a chocolate bar but with golden chocolate and it tastes sort of caramel-like." Vince shook his head.

"We sell antique stuff, fashionable items, nice t-shirts. Don't think we sell chocolate, sorry." Tony raised a tentacle and slammed it angrily to the ground.

"WHAT? NO CARAMAKS?" He was fuming and backed Vince into a corner, running circles around him with a rope and tying him tightly to a lamp. "Ha, now get me a Caramak or you're stuck 'ere sunshine!" Howard was about to open the front door when he noticed it was locked so tried the flat door… still locked. He squinted his tiny eyes and caught sight of the venomous pink ball.

"Vince, let me in!" Howard shouted just loud enough for him to hear.

"I wish I could but I'm stuck! That pink idiot's tied me up to a lamp." Vince tried to point but the ropes were too tight. He had a rope around his feet, waist and chest, holding him securely to the lamp.

"Yeah, I did and I am not leaving until I get my Caramak!" Howard frowned and looked at him in confusion. "Oh, I've already explained this bit. Can't we cut to something else while I tell him?" When he had told him, Howard shook his head and sat down.

"That sounds absolutely disgusting. How can you eat that?" Howard asked and watched tony attempt to open the door.

"I will have you know that Caramak is a delicious food." Howard rolled his eyes and waited for the pink blob to emerge from the interior of the shop into the chilly nigh time air. "You can wait all you want but I am not letting you in until I get my Caramak!" Tony yelled and waited for a response.

"If I get your Caramak, will you let Vince go?" Tony did what would have been a nod is he had a neck to allow his head to nod.

"Yeah but until then, you're stuck here sunshine." Tony smiled at Vince but Vince just thought over his words with deep consideration and contemplation.

"Well in fairness, I'm stuck here anyway." Tony fell deathly silent and nodded once more, awaiting his caramel culinary delight. "Listen Howard, I've seen them in the Spar! Nip down and get in one quick smart yeah or else I'm stuck here." Howard nodded and stood up, giving an 'I'll be back' look at Tony. Running down the street, Howard panted, it seemed a lot further away than he thought at first. When he reached the Spar, he saw one Caramak left on the counter and smiled, running after it but getting beaten by a small boy.

"Hello little boy, I need this Caramak." The boy turned around and turned out to be Kirk. "Oh this is great. Listen Kirk, Tony is on a rampage in the shop and I need this Caramak to calm him down." Kirk looked at the chocolate bar then back to Howard and nodded.

"Alright Howard but what's in it for me?" Howard sighed and shrugged.

"What do you want?" Kirk pondered the thought for a second and pointed a finger at a rack of movies. "Oh a movie alright then, what do you want? Chitty-chitty-bang-bang? Mary Poppins? The Pocahontas box set? What?" Kirk shook his head and moved closer to the rack of movies.

"No I want a special movie." Howard nodded and thought again for a further few minutes.

"Okay then, Mary Poppins was quite special. Powerful stuff yes sir." Kirk dropped his head into his hands and pointed at an 18 rated movie. "Kirk, you aren't eighteen." Kirk nodded.

"Yes I am, I'm one hundred and three." Howard sighed and picked it up.

"Alright then fine now give me the Caramak." Handing over the Caramak, Kirk smirked and followed Howard out of the shop once he had paid.

"Here you go but don't tell Dennis, he'll have my head now go on." Kirk nodded and muttered under his breath whilst walking away the word 'Berk'. Howard shrugged it off and returned to the Nabootique with the chocolate and knocked on the door, flashing the orange and yellow wrapper at Tony and sighing in relief when the door opened.

"Right then, show me the Caramak." Tony insisted and wiggled out of the door. When Howard handed it over, Tony smiled. "Thanks, I've been dying for one of these."

"Have you really? Well you've got it now so go back to the Shaman Lodge." Tony happily wandered away whilst eating his Caramak while Howard untied Vince.

"Cheers Howard, he's gone wrong. Anyway, what would I do without you?" Vince smiled and pulled Howard into a hug.

"Don't touch me!" Pulling away, Vince blushed slightly and giggled.

"Sorry but you saved me again from a weird pink thing." Howard smiled proudly for the second time that day and Vince patted him on the shoulder.

"Yeah, I did do good didn't I?" Vince nodded in agreement and walked upstairs. "Night Vince."

"Night Howard, I really owe you one, he was about to pick up that pointy umbrella when you walked in." Howard chuckled at the thought of Tony holding a big umbrella and closed up shop before following Vince up the stairs and sitting down on the sofa. "Anyway, see you in the morning."

"Yeah, night." With that, Vince disappeared into their room and Howard turned on Peacock Dreams.

**A/N: **There you go, hope you enjoyed it. :D


	4. D is for Douhnuts

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing in this story. The Mighty Boosh belongs to Noelio and JuJu . :D

A/N: Here you go. Please review and I hope you like it. Thanks to 'Stronger Than A Moose', 'Whatthefoucalt and 'RoxxiSanders' for reviewing. :D

SUMMARY: 26 short ficlets based on Howince, one for every letter of the alphabet.

TITLE: A-Z of Howince.

o0o

**D is for Doughnut**

"Howard, I'm bored." Vince sighed as he leant back in the seat of the car and waited.

"Well do something productive." Howard sighed, turning the radio on and placing a jazz CD in the player. "Oh yes, The Scats, best Jazz musicians I ever heard." Howard was so full of life that day where as Vince just wanted to die he was that jaded.

"Productive? We're in a car, what is there that is productive I can do?" Vince asked in a plain voice.

"Uh, are you hungry?" Howard was attempting to change the subject and held up a box of doughnuts. "Here you go, you could do with putting a bit more meat on your bones." Vince just looked down at the cardboard box with disgust.

"This is mank, haven't you got any stuffed vine leaves? Humus? Olives?" Howard said no to all of the suggestions and gazed at the doughnuts. "Well I suppose I could try a bit." Vince sighed finally, bringing the food to his lips and biting a tiny corner off. "Wow, this is amazing, I never knew it could taste so nice." This time, he shovelled almost half of it, conserving the rest for later on. "Cheers Howard, I've seen these in the shop but never actually tasted 'em. They're as good as strawberry bootlaces."

"Told you so." The rest of the journey home was made in silence except for Vince's occasional attempt at conversation.

**Three Days Later **

Howard wearily trundled up the stairs, he was far too tired to run up them like Vince usually did.

"Alright Vin….Aaaah!" Howard screamed at the sight before him. Vince had put on at least three pounds and he was lying on the floor surrounded by empty boxes and half eaten doughnuts. "Vince, you've gone wrong." Vince shrugged and picked up another half a doughnut. "Vince, what did you do?"

"I was puttin' meat on my bones like you said." Howard wished that he had never said that now, Vince had taken it completely to heart. "See, you turned me into this… thank you Howard for introducing me to this whole new realm of pastry goods. Where would I be without you?" Vince asked, attempting to stand up but deciding that maybe he should let his stomach settle.

"Vince, look you've gone crazy. These here doughnuts are not your friends. They are turning you into something else. What happens when you can't pull off your Gary Numan suits anymore?" Vince managed to sit up and leant against a chair.

"You've got a good point, I'll have to borrow your clothes and I don't need that. What can I do? They're just so good!" Vince exclaimed and bit into a different one.

"Vince! Stop it okay you cannot eat them anymore." Howard pulled up his friend who was clearly going through some bloated issues with the way he continued to pat his stomach. "Vince!"

"Sorry, so what can I do?" Howard looked over to Naboo's room and smiled. "No not Naboo, he'll give me some sort of anti-doughnut potion and I cannot give them up for good." Howard shook his head in disbelief, this was not Vince.

"Well tough come on." Howard knocked on Naboo's door and waited.

"Oh alright Vince, I was just… have you put weight on?" Vince nodded in a stoned way (bearing in mind that he was not stoned) and waited outside to pulled in by Howard. "Right, try this. It's a potion I made yesterday when I saw you eating two at once. It should work but that one's thirty-four Euros." Howard dug into his pocket and pulled out the money, handing it over to Naboo. "Thanks now get out of here, Barry's calling round." Vince nodded and walked back out into the living room, taking a bite of his last doughnut before swigging the potion in one. It tasted like bubblegum and he began to feel weird.

"How do you feel?" Howard asked in a worried tone when Vince's eyelids began to droop.

"I feel… tired." The smaller man yawned and fell onto the couch, Howard pulling a blanket over his slim frame.

"Goodnight little man." Howard smiled and stared longingly at his younger roommate. "Glad to have you back." With that, he leant back on the chair and closed his own eyes, it had been a hard day but worth it in the end.

**A/N:**** Well, another chapter and there are just gonna be a few friendship ones as well. Hope you liked it. :D **


	5. E is for Eyeliner

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing in this story. The Mighty Boosh belongs to Noelio and JuJu. :D

A/N: Here you go. Please review and I hope you like it. Thanks to 'Stronger Than A Moose', 'Whatthefoucalt and 'RoxxiSanders' for reviewing. :D

SUMMARY: 26 short ficlets based on Howince, one for every letter of the alphabet.

TITLE: A-Z of Howince.

**WARNING: This isn't really a big warning but I just wanted to say that this is a bit of an angsty chapter. Not really angsty but a bit. **

**Vince's POV**

**Shorter chapter this time. ;D **

o0o

**E is for Eyeliner **

Howard sees no point in eyeliner; it just pokes you in the eyes and makes your eyes look hollow apparently. I love it; it's amazing like my Nicky Clarkes. Only downfall is that when you cry it smudges and runs. I've done a lot of that lately in private and I don't really know why. I think it's because Howard's threatened to leave me or should I say that he has gone. I never wanted him to leave; he means the world to me. I suppose in a way it's like Jagger and his trusty drainpipes. I can't go anywhere without Howard because well, Jagger needs pants really. It all started two weeks ago…

_I was sat watching MTV in the living room when Howard came running in, shouting about something. I was in an MTV trance so I snapped out of my trance and smiled. _

"_What's up?" I asked in a slightly interested voice which honestly was put on. _

"_Well I've just got off the phone with Jurgen Haabermaaster and he's asked me to be in his new film! How great is that?" I had to put on a brave face so he didn't think wasn't happy for him because I was. I knew that he had wanted this his whole life but there was something that I just couldn't grasp, Howard leaving. I didn't want to lose him; he's my best friend for Christ's sake. I love him. I'd never say it; I guess that's my downfall. I don't think that he realises either that I love him. He always was deaf to the world, too deaf if you ask me. I remember once I tried to talk to him and it took twelve attempts to get his attention. He calls me 'Little Man'. I like that nickname; it makes me feel like one of the blues brothers but the retro version. He also calls me Mowgli in flares because I can talk to animals. I'm gonna miss those nicknames. I suppose the thing that makes it harder is the fact that we always seem to come through for each other. I almost saved him in the Tundra, he saved me from death when I ate that record and almost died from poisoning but I saved him from Monkey Hell. He just means so, so much to me that him leaving makes me feel physically sick. He told me in the Tundra that he loved me and I laughed at him. How genius is that? That he told me he loved me not that I laughed. It's just something I do when I'm in awkward situations. _

"_That's great." I finally smiled after about half an hour of contemplating the idea and deciding that I hated it. ' I can't lose Howard, I won't lose Howard' I used to tell myself, look where that got me. We've been through far too much for me to let him go but I had to. I could've stopped him, would've stopped him but I remembered when it was me and him leaving Bollo and Naboo. I thought he'd be back! He thought he wouldn't leave me but I was wrong again (like when am I ever right about anything?)_

Anyways, turns out that I wasn't strong enough to hold the foundations of us both. They seemed to crumble, little by little until there was nothing left. I just wasn't brave enough to tell him that I wanted us to be together and now it's too late. He's moved away to Hollywood so he can be in his feature film. The film with Jurgan lead to more and now he's in full length films as the lead man. I will visit but I can't afford it yet. I would walk to him if I could but I might miss my recorded MTV programme and he might have changed. I heard Hollywood can do that to you. I hoped that one day we'd have it good, the life we always dreamt of but luck never seemed to make an appearance.

Now I live here in this same flat I lived in with Howard Moon the man I loved. The man I loved more than eyeliner.

**A/N: **Sorry about the angsty chapter but the next one will make up for it I promise. Did you like it? Thanks for reading. ;)


	6. F is for Fondness in the Forest

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing in this story. The Mighty Boosh belongs to Noelio and JuJu. :D

A/N: Here you go. Please review and I hope you like it. Thanks for all the reviews!

SUMMARY: 26 short ficlets based on Howince, one for every letter of the alphabet.

TITLE: A-Z of Howince.

o0o

**I think you can figure out the POV's. Hehe… Pov, funny word… sorry, on with the story. ;) Oh, set in S1 and the title of this chapter belongs to Narked Virtuality seen as she came up with it! :D **

**F is for Fondness in the Forest **

"Howard?" I shouted retracing Howard's steps I had seen him take this morning. He said he was only going to be half an hour and that was three hours ago. I couldn't help but worry. Where could he have gone? We live in a zoo, where can you go? It's not even a bog zoo; we have no animals so he's not feeding them or anything. The only animals we do have are Bollo, Jack the fox (Howard doesn't like talking about him) and some weird monkey that we all feel sorry for. You should feel sorry for me! I have to shovel the dung around. He eats one banana, it's a nightmare! Anyway so Howard… his steps lead to a fence. It was opaque and there was a door which was open… surprise. Howard just cannot keep away from strange and dangerous situations. he simply cannot! I set out to find Naboo who would be in his Shaman tent.

o0o

It was dark and I could feel a rope tied around my abdomen. When my eyes finally opened, my vision was blurry but the outline of a tree was visible clearly.

"Wh-Who are you?" I wheezed and flopped my head back.

"I am evil tree." A voice replied.

"Of course you are." My voice was in a hushed tone and slightly croaky. "So why am I tied to a log?" Before 'Evil Tree' could answer, I asked more questions. "Wait, wait, wait! Did you say evil tree? You're a varnished table." Evil tree waited before answering.

"Uh… well… I used to be a tree until I was sanded down by the evil Sandstorm. He polished me and varnished me and so now… I am in this form." I writhed in the ropes and tried to slacken it but it wouldn't go slack. I couldn't help but wonder how a table tied a rope. I only wished I'd been conscious to see that one pan out. For now, I could only wait and hope that Vince hurried up.

o0o

As usual, I heard a didgeridoo when I walked in.

"Alright Naboo? Listen, Howard's lost and there's a big gate. I was wondering if you have the key." Naboo turned and placed the wooden didgeridoo on the table set near the entrance and smiled.

"Yeah I have the key but Vince I'm banned to give it to you." I sighed and looked around, I didn't need this; I could've been watching 'Panda Weekly'.

"Is there anything else you can do? Come on Naboo, you must have something up some silky sleeves." My whining voice echoed out of the tent and Naboo nodded.

"Alright Vince fine, here you go but don't tell anyone about this yeah?"

"Yeah course." I took the key from Naboo and headed back to the gate that I was sure Howard was concealed behind.

o0o

Alright, I'm a pretty liberal guy but this was getting a little too much. All this table was doing was hobbling around talking about space-hoppers. It was like something from one of Vince's Charlie books! He's call it 'Charlie meets a table' or something like that. It was probably about four hours until the wonderer made an appearance.

"About time!" I shouted, my words dripping with sarcasm and annoyance.

"Sorry Howard, Bob tipped some water over my head, I had to go and do it again, it just wouldn't do." Howard rolled his eyes and Vince looked at the table. "No… evil tree!" His voice was surprised and in one way, happy. "How are you?"

"I want revenge, which is why I must kill you." I was panicking… who wouldn't?

"What?" I screamed at the top of my voice.

"Yeah um mate, thing is that Howard and I, we can't help you. What if I gave you this?" Vince handed over a polished, wooden didgeridoo Naboo had given him and smiled.

"Oh my, she is beautiful. You would do that for me?" We both nodded and soon we were on our way through the zoo.

o0o

"You took your time!" Howard sighed when we got back as I dropped my gaze to the floor. Before I could answer, Howard answered. "But you did save me." I looked up, eyes wider than ever before.

"What?"

"You saved my life… thanks little man." I smiled feebly (mainly because of how shocked I was) and yelped when Howard slid an arm around my waist and pulled me close to his chest. "I cannot thank you enough." I pulled away, staring with sheer shock into the brown eyes of Howard Moon.

"You… what happened to 'don't touch me'?" He chuckled and smirked.

"Okay then, don't touch me." I gave a sarcastic smile and placed my head on his chest. I may have taken a little longer but at least I had Howard back, my Howard, the jazzy freak I have nothing in common with… but I love him anyways.

**A/N: Sorry for the wait! I couldn't think of what to write. **


	7. G is for Girlfriend

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing in this story. The Mighty Boosh belongs to Noelio and JuJu. :D

A/N: Here you go. Please review and I hope you like it. Thanks for all the reviews!

SUMMARY: 26 short ficlets based on Howince, one for every letter of the alphabet.

TITLE: A-Z of Howince.

**Inspired by the story 'Her with the Camera' by Gwingwin (Read it it's good!) **

**G is for Girlfriend **

She's always there. When I get home from jazzercise… she's there. She's so, so annoying on so, so many levels and the worst thing is he adores her. She's everything he wants… she wears studded belts and tight drainpipes. She has an obsession with Gary Numan, she has a straw hat and I have a record. She's everything I'm not and it annoys me. I want to walk in and see him smile like he used to but he doesn't because he isn't there. They always do stuff we did and I miss him. I want Vince back… my Vince, the Vince that I love so, so much. When I look at him, it just makes me feel worse than I do. I'm not the reason he smiled anymore… Emily is. She's his perfect match. Tall, brunette, stick thin, eyeliner obsessive, I never thought I'd make Vince sound so vain… judging her from what she looks like but it's true. He's even said it.

o0o

He's always gone, he doesn't even bother coming home after the argument we had. I still remember it… when he called me jealous. But can you blame me? He's either over at hers or she's over at ours. She's an absolute bitch! She likes to think that she's the only person in Vince's life and currently… she is.

"_Hey Howard, is it okay if Em comes round to ours?" Vince asked as we ambled through the streets of Dalston. _

"_When isn't she round ours?" I mumbled under my breath but clearly not quiet enough. _

"_Hmm? Sorry Howard what did you say?" I stiffened up with fear… what did I just say? Did I just call his girlfriend in front of him? Well done Monsoon Moon! _

"_Umm…" _

"_No, its okay I heard just fine. Howard, why don't you like her?" His voice was accusatory and I just stammered a few unfinished answers. "Aha… Howard, she's my girlfriend accept it." Who did he think he was? "Just because you're jealous…" I cut him off there… I was not jealous… I don't get jealous. _

"_What? That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard!" I retaliated as we reached the door. _

"_Well it wouldn't be the first time! You're always jealous! You're a jealous, boring, dull man with absolutely no dress sense or music sense. I don't even know why I'm friends with you!" Those words were enough to shatter my heart in two. I love Vince for Christ's sake… he really thinks that of me? I snapped back, my eyes flaming with the blaze of pure fury. _

"_You are the most two faced, self-obsessed, horrible slag I've ever met! I never want to see you again!" I screamed without thinking, my eyes beginning to pour with tears. Wordlessly, I stared at him… he was close to tears himself so turned then walked away. I haven't seen him since… he didn't come home and I wished that I didn't call him a self-obsessed, two faced, horrible slag because he isn't. _

Was that a knock at the door? I'd better go and get it. I'm pulling the door open and there he is… Vince.

"Howard, I… I'm sorry." He has tears streaming down his cheeks and mascara and eyeliner tracks. Mutely, I've pulled him into my arms and I'm holding him. My Vince is in my arms again and it's the best feeling in the world. I pull away and stare wide eyed at him. "She… she wasn't the one I wanted and was so not worth it."

"Vince, I should not have called you a slag. You are anything but and…" Before I have the chance to finish, Vince is in my arms again and smiling against my chest.

"It's okay. We both said things we didn't mean and things we shouldn't have." I smile and place my head on his, flattening his hair with the weight of my skull. "I love you Howard." I freeze. What did he say?

"What?"

"Nothing." I nod but he said something… what? I leave it at that and bask in the moment we are sharing. Maybe this was our destiny… we did keep finding each other again after we think we aren't ever going to see each other. I hope so and pull him inside, shutting away the cold and the woman who almost pulled us apart and destroyed all we stood for.

**A/N: **Did you like it? I hope so tell me in a review please. XD ¬_¬ Thanks.


	8. H is for Hugs

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing in this story. The Mighty Boosh belongs to Noelio and JuJu. :D

A/N: Here you go. Please review and I hope you like it. Thanks for all the reviews!

SUMMARY: 26 short ficlets based on Howince, one for every letter of the alphabet.

TITLE: A-Z of Howince.

**H is for Hugs **

"Alright Vince, what's your excuse this time?" Howard asked with his hand on his hip in an ever so manly fashion.

"Well I was sat in bed and my arms and legs turned into strawberry bootlaces so I couldn't get out of bed but I did try. I had to sit there and wait for my legs to reform." Howard rolled his eyes.

"And you expect me to believe that?" Vince innocently nodded his eyes in a puppy dog like fashion. "Don't give me that look." Howard looked away and grabbed his coat. "Whatever, I'm going to Jazzercise. See you later." Vince mumbled something under his breath and slumped down into his barber's chair. "What was that?" Howard asked and raised an accusatory eyebrow.

"Nothing, have a nice time." Howard shrugged it off and grabbed his jacket from the peg it was hung on. "Hmm…" Vince sighed and grabbed a magazine. "Oh I've read this one before." His voice was in disgust… he wouldn't be caught dead reading an issue of cheekbone from four hours ago… it was waaay out of style. After five minutes of sitting staring into space, Vince decided he was far too bored to continue his spotting spree so made a cup of tea and settled behind the counter. Two hours past and Howard wasn't back yet. As much as he hated to say, Vince was getting worried about him. Jazzercise was only half an hour to an hour long usually and he'd been gone for double that amount. He'd tried ringing but remembered that Howard didn't have a mobile phone; he was too white to have one and got confused by all the buttons.

Another hour passed and Howard still hadn't made an appearance. Vince had even tried moving the sellotape tree in Stationary Village but Howard hadn't come running like he usually did. It was like batman and crime, whenever something changed, Howard would go running.

"Where are you Howard?" Vince asked himself over and over, on the verge of calling the Shamans. At half nine, he finally trundled in, bearing in mind he went at four, and smiled. "Where have you been?" Vince asked in an accusatory tone and tapped his foot.

"Jazzercise why?" Vince nodded and sat down.

"Oh yeah, I forgot… for five and a half hours?" Howard sighed and sat down next to him.

"Yeah… it was an extra-long session." Vince tapped his foot louder on the floor. "I went for a drink with a girl at jazzercise." Howard sighed reluctantly.

"A girl huh? Was she a nice girl?" Howard nodded. "Right… did you ask her out formally?" Howard nodded once more. "Oh good… and do you think" Howard nodded. "Right… did you ask her out formally?" Howard nodded once more. "Oh good… and do you think you'll have a nice night out?" Howard nodded for a final time and sighed.

"Are you jealous Vince?" Howard asked in a childish voice.

"No! Why would I be jealous of you?" Vince scoffed and shook his head so fast it was surprising it didn't come off.

"No reason." Howard smiled and grabbed a coat.

"Where are you going?" Vince asked and followed him to the door.

"On my date." Vince looked at him with confused eyes.

"Your date? You arranged a date on the same night?" Howard nodded. "I will never understand you jazzy types." With that, Vince sat down and tried calling Naboo but his answer phone came on. At that moment, he was probably downing a turban full of tequila as they were on a stag and it was against the rules to use your mobile phone. If only Bollo were home to help him find an outfit for the morning, he would be such a happier electro boy.

"Bye Vince." Howard smiled and closed the door, Vince smiling devilishly. He had just had an idea on what to do with his night. When he was sure Howard had gone, he seized his sparkly silver jacket from topshop and headed out the door. When he caught up with Howard, he hid in a bush whilst Howard and Julia, a woman from jazzercise, walked inside and made themselves comfy. Vince meanwhile pulled a leaf from his hair and squatted before making his way into the small Northern bar.

"Excuse me; can you point me in the direction of a tall, Northern man with a misshapen moustache?" The waiter nodded and pointed to a table where Howard was sat with Julia. "Cheers mate." The waiter held his hand out and Vince nodded and dug half-heartedly into his coat pocket, pulling out four gummy bears and a strawberry bootlace. "Here you are mate." Vince childishly smiled and proceeded forward to a table behind Howard's. Vince cat with his back turned to Howard yet close enough to hear their conversation.

After a while, he got board and decided to delve deeper into his best mate's relationship.

"Alright Howard?" Howard hesitated and smiled. "I was wondering where you were, fancy seeing you here." Vince smiled, Howard scowling and dragging him off. "Yes?"

"What are you doing here?" Howard whispered violently.

"Well I was a bit board so I thought I'd come and find you." Vince innocently smiled but frowned guiltily when the hurt in Howard's eyes reached his. "Look Howard, I'm sorry and yeah I was jealous." Howard raised an eyebrow. "I was jealous of you and Julia because she's into jazz, she's got no style, she likes bookmarks and what have I got? A pen with a Nicky Clarke bobble head on." Howard placed his hands on Vince's shoulders and smiled.

"Don't underestimate yourself little man, you're funny, amazing, cute, attractive… you've got everything going for you." Howard smiled and pulled the smaller man into his arms. "You'll find the one for you someday… just give it time." Vince smiled against Howard's chest and pulled away.

"Howard, I think I've found my one… I think it's you." Vince sighed and sheepishly dropped his gaze to the floor. "Look, I'm sorry I ever came here." Vince turned to walk away to have his wrist tugged on by Howard. Turning he looked in pure shock and worry. "What…?"

"I'm sorry Vince but I mean with Julia and… look you're just feeling lonely. You'll find someone but it takes effort, it takes commitment and you'll know when you find her." Vince nodded and chuckled.

"Yeah, I'm just being stupid… we're completely different. We have nothing in common at all. We're still best friends right?" Howard nodded and headed back into the restaurant, leaving Vince alone. "I am stupid to let him walk away." Vince muttered and walked back home, his head dropped to the floor in a failed attempt to hide his tears. When he got home, he curled up and practically cried himself to sleep. He didn't know how it felt to be rejected and unloved.

Howard had always been there for him and been his rock on which he built his house but times were changing… evidently so were they.

A/N: Sorry for the angst! I know, I know that this is turning into an angsty story but I write a bit of angst so I am quite good at it. Expect a humorous next chapter and sorry for the wait.


	9. I is for Intoxicated

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing in this story. The Mighty Boosh belongs to Noelio and JuJu. :D

A/N: Here you go. Please review and I hope you like it. Thanks for all the reviews!

SUMMARY: 26 short ficlets based on Howince, one for every letter of the alphabet.

TITLE: A-Z of Howince.

**I is for Intoxicated **

"I'm back." A drunken voice stammered followed by a loud crash and a pan vaulting into the air. "Ow!" Vince ran down the stairs and sighed, rolling his eyes.

"Oh Howard, I didn't hear you come in. Did you have a nice time?" Vince chuckled at the sight of Howard trying to stand up then falling again then another failed attempt at standing followed.

"Well I did try to be quiet, like a mouse. I had a very nice time thank you; I bought you some crisps but ate them because I got a bit peckish. I did save you this penny though, add salt and it will be a delightful culinary treat." Howard grinned and staggered over to the stairs, falling up the first three then steadying and re-gaining balance. "What did I miss?"

"Nothing," Vince calmly replied and sat down in his chair.

"Nothing, something must have happened." Howard sounded almost disappointed.

"Nope, Naboo went to Shamansbury's but apart from that nothing really has been going on here. Pretty boring night if you ask me." Vince chuckled once more when Howard missed the chair and fell onto the floor. "Alright Tom Sellek calm yourself." Vince giggled and put his feet up. "How many did you have? You're smashed."

"Just a little bit," Howard made a hand gesture that wasn't all that small as Vince rolled his eyes.

"Sure, just a bit. Come on you Northern nonce," Vince wrapped an arm around Howard and guided him up the stairs, exhaling heavily when the smell of whisky hit. "You stink; make sure you have a shower in the morning." He giggled and tucked his friend into bed. "Night, night," before Vince could walk away, Howard wrapped a hand around his wrist and dragged the tired electro-prince back.

"What? Look Howard, I wanna go to bed so…" Vince stood, his hand held in Howard's and he had to admit he was enjoying the comic view of Howard smile in a dork-like way.

"Vince, don't go." Howard sounded almost sober, sober enough for Vince to believe him. "Please."

"Howard, you're drunk so just get some sleep." Once again, he failed at his attempt to walk away.

"No, no I am not drunk… well… maybe a bit but I'm sober enough to know that I love you Vince, more than anything. You mean the world to me and I just can't hold it in anymore." Vince smiled and leant down so he was eye-to-eye with a slightly sobered Howard. "I mean it Vince."

"Then move over you Bumberclarke." Vince chuckled and playfully shoved the taller man. Curling up next to him, Vince placed his head on his chest and sighed contentedly. "For the record Howard, weather you remember it in the morning or not, I love you too. But if you don't remember then this will be awfully awkward." Howard kissed the tip of Vince's nose jokingly and shook his head.

"I will remember." He whispered seriously in the small man's ear and smiled. "I promise." Vince smiled and snuggled deeper into Howard's side. Maybe Howard wouldn't remember but he could remember something, he and the man he loved spent one night together. One night that the moment stealers could never take away.

**A/N: Sorry this one is so damn short but I wrote what came to me and so this is my produce of random thoughts. Hope you like. **


	10. J is for Jamboree

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing in this story. The Mighty Boosh belongs to Noelio and JuJu. :D

A/N: Here you go. Please review and I hope you like it. Thanks for all the reviews!

SUMMARY: 26 short ficlets based on Howince, one for every letter of the alphabet.

TITLE: A-Z of Howince.

**J is for Jamboree **

**Vince's POV **

"No way!" Howard replied in a fit like manner. I don't get what his problem was; I only wanted a party to celebrate four years in the Nabootique. He was probably still weary because of our party last year for his birthday but I was desperate, I wanted to live.

"Oh come on Howard, you love parties, party animal. Besides you met that girl last year at the party." I had hoped this would help aid my point but it clearly wasn't working.

"Don't even bring that up. It wasn't a girl at all it was Old Gregg in costume." I burst out laughing after that and remembered the scream that radiated from his room that night.

"Well that won't happen this time because Old Gregg copped off with Harold." Howard had to admit, he was a bit jealous of that. "You were well jealous."

"I was not." Howard retaliated in a desperate attempt to defend himself.

"You were you gave yourself a Chinese burn." Howard fell silent then and shook his head slowly. "Whatever but looks Howard, I want a party and if you don't let me have one then I'm moving in with Leroy for the weekend and having a party there." Howard shrugged it off and picked up his newspaper. "I'll tell everyone about Gregg."

"Fine." He muttered behind his newspaper. "Have your party." A smile creeped onto my face… I new that Old Gregg would come through for me again like he did before when we ran out of Baileys.

"Cheers Howard, it's gonna be ace you'll see." Howard didn't say anything, just hid behind his façade of a newspaper. "Howard?" Again no reply. "Alright, give me the silent treatment." I said as though I didn't care… it would blow over eventually when he'd finished sulking because he didn't get his own way. Important thing was that I was having a party that night and it was gonna be huge, talk of Shoreditch. By half past two I'd distributed flyers, got my outfit and bought in some more _Root Booster. _Howard was still giving me the silent treatment which was sort of worrying because he has a habit of reminding me that he's not talking to me and this time he wasn't; he was just silent.

"Howard are you okay?" I asked and sat down next to him, again he was as silent as Naboo when Peacock Dreams is on which is pretty silent. "Howard?"

"I'm fine Vince but a documentary on stock taking's on so could you please be quiet?" I nodded and after a few minutes got bored and went for a shower. At half past seven the party started. I was wearing my sparkly leggings, white boots and a fancy top I'd bought in town that day while Howard was wearing-

"I've gone for an angry muffin layered with a violent nutmeg." I rolled my eyes.

"Howard, it's not exactly stylish is it?" He looked at me wide eyed and dejected.

"I have the ultimate style of a working jazz musician yes sir." Smiling at the fact Howard was talking to me; I walked downstairs and sat down, awaiting my party guests. "Right Vince I'm off." Howard announced when he had plodded down the stairs and grabbed his coat.

"What?" In one desperate bid to get him to stay I ran over and grabbed his arm, pulling him back inside. "You can't go because it's half your party." Howard shook his head and tried to head out the door which was once again a mission failed. "Please Howard, stay." My eyes were starting to look like a lost puppy dogs.

"Oh Vince, don't give me that look." Howard pleaded as my eyes continued to grow watery. "Fine I'll stay but don't touch me." It was only afterwards that I realised I was holding onto his wrist for dear life and so I let it go and smiled.

"Sorry." I sheepishly smiled and dragged him back upstairs to the party. "Hey look at Jacque le Cube, he's pulled with… Mrs Gideon. Oh Howard…" Before I could finish, Howard was up the stairs and sat on the roof… the roof! Parties always end on the roof. "Come on Howard, come down." Howard shook his head and sighed.

"I'm fine up here thanks. First a panda, then a cube, what next? Why does she not like me?" I sat myself down next to him and ran a hand through my jet black hair.

"Well you did spy on her through a sandwich." Howard pointed an accusatory finger at me and shook his head.

"That was never proved!" His voice held tones of defensiveness and I could tell that he was being very defensive.

"It was in News of the World and the show… that one where she ran off with my panda." Howard thought for a moment then, by the nod and snap of his fingers, realised what I'd said.

"Anyway, point is that no one will ever love me. Old Gregg is now with Harold, Gideon's with Jacque. Who've I got?" I shuffled closer to Howard and took one deep breath. I'd held it in long enough and I had to tell him now.

"You've got me." I whispered and took Howard's hand. "You'll always have me, no matter how many pandas or sea monsters I meet or how badly dressed you become." Howard pondered my words and smiled.

"Thanks but I'm not badly dressed. I'm wearing a classic sir, socks and sandals go way back." I hadn't realised he was wearing socks and his brown sandals… oh dear.

"Umm… yeah but… never mind. Let's go in." I smiled and slid down the roof to the window, Howard following me with our hands still conjoined. "Oh and Howard? If it means anything, old Gregg was stupid to pick Harold over you… his eyes are way too small." I smiled. "Yours are just right."

"Lance's hair was too big… I bet he's still there brushing out all the root booster he used." I burst out in fits of laughter and closed the window behind us. "Wonder what he is doing." Howard grinned and led me down the stairs.

**Lance's house. **

"Come on and just brush out!" Lance shouted and dragged a hair brush through his hair, tugging at every solitary strand of hair. "Why is it so hard to brush out? Goth Juice, what?" Goth Juice was so hard to brush out that Vince had to wash his hair five times to get it free from the powerful hold. "Vince Noir!" Lance screamed at the top of his voice.

**Nabootique. **

"Dunno, probably watching _Autumn Magnets _or something." I sniggered and pressed my lips to Howard's.

**A/N: Well hope you liked it and I am sorry if it's bit rubbish but I think I'm getting writers block… make words brain!**


	11. K is for Kangaroos

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing in this story. The Mighty Boosh belongs to Noelio and JuJu. :D

A/N: Here you go. Please review and I hope you like it. Thanks for all the reviews!

SUMMARY: 26 short ficlets based on Howince, one for every letter of the alphabet.

TITLE: A-Z of Howince.

**K is for Kangaroos **

**Set in Series 1 **

"Come on Howard, just one little go." Vince childishly begged and crossed his arms.

"No! I don't trust you with it. Remember the broom." Howard looked up and raised an accusatory eyebrow.

"Hey, that fox had it coming… anyway, you freely admitted nothing was going on between you and him so I didn't get what your problem was. It wasn't my fault either; he did that himself and framed me." Howard rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to the task at hand. "Please… pretty please. I promise I'll be careful, I always am aren't I?" Again he found himself staring at the piercing blue eyes embedded in Vince's perfect face.

"No. Lawn Mowing is an important task and you have to be very careful. Fossil _will _fire me this time if I do it wrong. You were lucky and frankly no you aren't always careful at all." Vince dropped his gaze to the floor and nodded.

"Fine but can't I sit on the back? It's amazing I didn't even know they made two seater lawnmowers. It's like a motorbike but with a huge grass cutting blade underneath it." Vince chuckled and sat down behind Howard, holding onto the seat as he knew Howard despised being touched.

"So it's not like a motorbike at all then." Vince shook his head as they set off along the grassy verge just outside the zoo. Five minutes later, they pulled up and Howard stood up to see his handy work. "There."

"That's what all the fuss was about? It's like four meters of grass." Vince chuckled and stood up from the lawnmower. "Well, it was fun while it lasted." It wasn't long until Fossil came to inspect the work.

"Neat, even, perfect… good job Vince, well done." Howard shook his head and walked back over to his smaller friend.

"Unbelievable. I did that not you!" His voice was hurt and angered in every possible way.

"Well I didn't see you retaliating or defending yourself. Go and tell Fossil whose boss!" Howard nodded and smiled, patting Vince on the shoulder in thanks.

"Yeah, I will!"

**1 hour later… **

"Well?" Vince's voice muttered from behind a Panda Monthly magazine.

"I got demoted." Placing the mass of paper on the table, Vince raised an eyebrow. "To the Kangaroo pen." Chuckling Vince nodded and picked up a costume that sort of had the appearance of a kangaroo.

"Guessing you'll need this then. Why?" His voice swirled with child like happiness and joy from Howard's facial expression.

"Back answering authority, this is your fault."

"As if! I didn't tell you to go and say who's boss." Howard looked back over the past incident and nodded.

"Yes you did Vince, yes you did." Vince paused and thought for a moment.

"Well even so, when did you start doing what I say?" Howard tipped his head to the side implying he had a fair argument. It was dark outside, it had been a pretty dark day itself due to a thunderstorm which broke out and the fact it was December and went dark earlier than normal. "It'll be alright Howard, I promise." Vince went to grab Howard's and almost retracted but something told him Howard needed him more than ever. Howard also very almost pulled his hand out of the way but it seemed it was glued to the table he was sat at.

"Vince, you don't understand." Howard mumbled and dropped his gaze to the table, Vince lying his head on the table and staring up at his older friend. He really was beautiful and his eyes… astounding. Howard often got lost in them and forgot what he was saying.

"What don't I understand?" Vince smiled up from the table.

"You got demoted too." His smile didn't fade; it was prominent on his face.

"Ah well, at least I get to stay with you." He laughed and sat up.

**The Next Day… **

"Ready?" Howard mumbled from inside his kangaroo costume.

"Yep, ready as Mick Jagger in a bar." Vince giggled, Howard never understanding the joke. "You don't get it? Well Mick Jagger's famouse and supposedly..." Howard grabbed Vince's arm and yanked him out the door before he could finish. When they were settled in the cage, they got to work hopping about, fake fighting and eating kangaroo feed which was really dry porridge grain. "This is mank! Do you know where I put my Haribo?"

"Vince! Kangaroos can't talk." Howard snapped back and swung on a tyre hanging from the roof.

"But they can swing on tyres? That's for punching you plonker." Howard froze as Vince burst into fits of laughter. "You idiot! Do you know anything about zoo keeping at all?"

"Yes I do sir! I know all the feeding habits of all the animals in the zoo!" He retaliated and began to punch the tyre feebly.

"Alright then, feeding habit of a crocodile." Hesitation filled the air until the silence was broken.

"Tell you later on when we're done here." Howard smiled from inside the suit, glad Vince couldn't see the goofy smiled on his face. Vince's grin was perfect to him; he thought his was like a Willoughby on steroids.

"Okay then, if you say so." Vince also grinned manically; thinking the exact same thing about Howard… his smile was beautiful, if only he knew. "Howard, put down that branch! The old lady doesn't need that okay. You already stole her knitting of her." Vince's voice rippled through the suit, picking up the knitting and handing it through the bars to the woman. "Terribly sorry about my best friend, please take this euro and get a keychain from the gift shop." Inside though, Vince was dying to laugh and wished he let him throw it.

"I was being a kangaroo!" Howard sighed and sat down before he took his mask off, Vince doing the same.

"I know but Fossil was watching and I didn't want you to get into trouble. Believe me I would have done the same… well out of order the way she threw those nuts at you." Vince slid an arm around Howard's waist and pulled out a camera. "Say cheese, I want to remember this moment… you look hilarious in that costume… it doesn't work on me either but I think I'm working it all right with this belt." Howard smiled and looked at the camera.

"Fine but if I don't like it delete it."

"Oh come on Howard, you don't like all photos of you." Pressing the button on the camera, they both smiled and stared at the flash before Vince brought it down and looked at the screen. "You look great… promise."

**A/N: Sorry for the wait but here you go. Hope you like it and thank you for all the reviews, they mean a lot as do the people who sent them. ;D **


	12. L is for Love Dust

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing in this story. The Mighty Boosh belongs to Noelio and JuJu. :D

A/N: Here you go. Please review and I hope you like it. Thanks for all the reviews!

SUMMARY: 26 short ficlets based on Howince, one for every letter of the alphabet.

TITLE: A-Z of Howince.

**L is for Love Dust Inspired by 'Mysterious pink sky water' by Eparnam **

"Naboo, why does love stink?" Vince sighed as Naboo blew on his pipe.

"I dunno. Oh and that reminds me, where's my love hearts?" There was an awkward silence soon after, followed by Vince digging into his jacket pocket and pulling put the heart shaped candy. A stoned smile slid onto Naboo's face as he placed one onto his tongue. "Cheers." Again, an awkward silence filled the room and hung there between him and Naboo.

"It's just I think I've found the one and then she dumps me for you, you silky ponce." Naboo rolled his eyes and grinned.

"If this is over Anthrax, I'm sorry but she and I are no longer together. In case you've forgotten, it was Mickey who stole her." Vince nodded in agreement; he still hadn't forgiven him for that. It was right after Naboo had broken up with her, he was there with the tissue flowers.

"Well I don't know what to do." Naboo sighed… there was always the love dust but it was a dangerous game and he was only allowed to use it for emergencies. He was also wary of the time he'd let Dennis borrow it and he went crazy, Tony still hasn't recovered properly he went crazy when he got the A&E bill. After another half hour of paying attention to Vince blabber on about his love life, Naboo decided enough was bloody well enough and so he grabbed a didgeridoo and some love dust, slotting the capsule into the instrument and blowing into it so the dust blew onto Vince's face. Quickly dashing out of the room, Naboo closed his door. The thing about love dust was that you instantly fell in love with the first person you saw. To the shaman's luck Bollo was visiting his parents at the county zoo and so was not in the way.

Howard ambled up the stairs and threw a bookmark at the table.

"Five hundred I bid for that." Howard complained as a confused look slid onto Vince's face.

"Why?" He asked and glared up at him with wide blue eyes.

"Because I had a coughing fit and the auctioneer thought I was biding." Howard replied exasperated. "It's un-bloody-leavable." Vince stared at him with further integrity. "What? Don't be staring at me like that sir, I don't need you staring at me, it's bad enough already without you looking at me. That's just more intimidating." He sighed and lay back on the couch. His tiny eyes twinkled in the dim light of the room, Vince sighed and smiled.

"Howard?" Howard turned to Vince and mumbled.

"Hmm?" Vince was silent for a further few minutes before he finally added…

"I love you." There was just one thing about Vince's heart… it ached and felt heavy and pounded against his chest with huge leaps of energy because for once, he meant it.

"Don't joke Vince, it's not funny." Howard coldly replied and turned his attention to the leather bookmark he had spent a quarter of his life savings on.

"I'm not joking Howard, I really do mean it." Howard nodded and raised an eyebrow.

"Really? Well then I love you too." He replied with the least bit of interest.

"No you don't. You're just saying it because I said it." Vince winged and put his feet up on the couch.

"No I'm not." He sighed and looked up at his friend.

"Yeah you are. You don't love me." Vince repeated in a hurt tone.

"Vince, for Christ's sake I bloody love you!" Howard screamed as a sly smile slid onto Vince's face. "You're just saying I don't love you so I'll say that I do." Vince smiled.

"Damn, you worked it out." He whispered and edged closer to Howard before wrapping an arm around him.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" Howard screamed as Vince flew back.

"Sorry!" He shouted and took his place back on the couch. "What are you doing?" He asked and glared at the brown envelope reading 'West Street Auction House'.

"Sending it back with a well thought out and organised letter of complaint explaining my throat spasm." Never once did he tear his eyes away from the paper but inside, he wanted so badly to look at Vince and say once more 'I bloody love you' and actually mean it.

**A/N: Okie Dokie, here you go! Specially for RoxxiSanders who I 'Bloody Love' cuz she's my sister. :D **


	13. M is for Music

_**Disclaimer: Don't own Mighty Boosh and I never will. **_

_**Summary: Another chapter of A-Z of Howince! YAAAAAAAY! **_

_**A/N: I've noticed that reviews are dropping and if it's getting boring then please tell me and I shall stop writing because it's pointless writing a story that no one is interested in. It's like Gay the musical; it was too gay for Roy in the IT Crowd ;-) Anyway, enjoy and please, please review if you can. Thank you! **_

_**Chapter Title: M is for Music **_

_**M is for Music **_

Vince sighed and slumped onto the seat that lay parallel to the grand piano Naboo had bought. His eyes traced the keys and the orderly way they seemed to run up and down the wood. The rain pelted the windows and the wind distantly howled against the doors and seeped through small gaps in the slightly ajar windowpane. He was too lazy to shut it so left the glass at a slight angle and ran the risk of freezing to death in the icy winter air. He exhaled and watched as his breath formed in perfect frosty swirls before fading and finally disappearing. He pulled the window shut and locked it, shivering slightly before setting himself back down in front of the grand piano again. He was surprised it had fitted but he loved it, more than the shaman who bought it did if that was even possible.

Things hadn't been going too well between himself and Howard, a lot of arguing had been going on ever since they decided to finally become more than friends. It seemed that whenever he placed himself in front of the musical instrument and placed his hands delicately over the fragile keys, his mind started to flow and the cogs started to turn and his entire life flashed before him. He pressed down on the keys and began to play a slow tune he'd heard on the radio that day while Howard was listening to _Classic FM _during stock taking. He'd never really had a musical talent until about a year earlier when he'd taken up piano lessons.

Shortly after, he was disturbed by a tall, northern man donning a moustache. It was Howard. He didn't stop playing however; the noted flowed from the polished wood and his eyes scanned the sheet music, his hands just seemed to be unable to pause from his thoughts. Howard stopped behind him and dropped a kiss into his knotted black hair before watching his hands tumble across the instrument.

"Alright?" Vince quietly mumbled as he finished off playing. Soon after, he realised it was a piano version of _Paparazzi _by Lady Gaga that was done by Grayson Chance. He liked the song because it described him and Howard. He was obsessed with him and he loved him so much that the thought losing him seemed to cut through him like a knife through butter. He was a fool for him, but Howard wasn't the same. The lights hadn't been turned on; a single candle flame danced in the dim light that cascaded from its beautiful orangey-yellow glow.

"I didn't know you could play." Howard replied, pushing Vince along on the seat until he reached the edge and sitting next to him. Vince mumbled in reply. "You're good." Howard grinned and ran a hand along the black and white blocks silently.

"Nah, not really, it's just that… well… it doesn't matter." Vince swallowed his words beck into his throat. He wasn't ready to admit that he loved Howard and he had done for a while. Howard's head didn't move and his chocolate shrimp eyes were settled completely on the smudges of monochrome that dashed across the piano.

"Go on, it does matter. You could be a musical genius sir. I mean obviously not as good as me, I'm the king of the keyboard but you'd be a close second!" Vince dryly chuckled and stood, Howard's eyes following his every movement.

"Well music is like an escape. It helps me forget about you." He only realised what he'd said once the words had rolled off his tongue and they were irreversible.

"Oh… well then in that case… maybe you should stop playing. I don't want you to forget about me! Your life would be incomplete without the Monsoon Moon… right?" Vince swallowed aloud and let his hand drop from the keys to land beside him and dangle in the air.

"Yeah, of course but we've been arguing a lot and it's ever since we became more than friends, forgetting about you makes me forget about the thought of losing you." Howard stood to wrap his arms around Vince's waist but he was already perched on the sofa. The dim light only just captured him before it faded into the darkness and seeped into the patterned walls. The older man sat beside him and slid his arm around his shoulders, allowing Vince to rest his head on his chest. "I didn't mean for it to sound so… ignorant."

"No, no I see where you're coming from; but I want you to know that every relationship goes through it's rocky parts and I would rather be hung, drawn and quartered than spend a single day without you. I know we've been arguing but I wouldn't swap you for anything." Vince's puppy-dog eyes met with Howard's marine animal ones and he smiled.

"Not even Mrs Gideon?" Howard winked and nodded,

"Not even Mrs Gideon. Come on, I think we need to put this all behind us. Magpie Moments or Peacock Dreams…" An awkward silence hung in the air until they both answered in unison, "Peacock Dreams…" Howard turned on the TV and sat back beside Vince, wrapping his arm around him protectively and resting his head against the black mop of hair.

"Howard? Do you think the Magpie does live shows with fans? I'd love to appear on it someday."

"Go on with your piano skills, you've got great talent, sir. I don't say that to many people. I haven't said it to Gary yet and he's famous so if I've said your good then believe me, you're good. You're like the pianist of your generation! We could do a duo; we'd be Boosh Worldwide… because we'd go worldwide. Imagine that little man!" Howard chuckled and smiled when Vince let a girly giggle escape his throat.

"Keep dreaming, I'm gonna be the next Gary Numan or Mick Jagger, just you wait."

_**A/N: Sorry if it was bad but I've been meaning to get back on track and I'm sorry if it's quite sad but I was listening to Grayson Chance and his voice and piano skills are so amazing that I had to write about it! Anyway, thanks for all my other reviews and I hope I'm not boring you. :- ( **_

_**Love love, **_

_**Mrs Old Gregg (Gregg says hi but he's doing a watercolour so he's quite busy at the moment) **_


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